Coming out

I have a secret to share with you. I am coming out of the closet once and for all. Here goes:

I am a blogger and I have a YouTube channel\Instpage

I can visualise the puzzled look on your face as you read this on my blog "No shit you have a blog!"you may say. Well not everyone knew this, it has been my dirty little secret that I have not shared with people that know me. Y'know, friends, family, colleagues, like real actual humans, not the virtual ones.

Why? well, simply put, I've always felt embarrassed about it. I mean, what do I know about writing? who am I to give advice? do I think that highly of myself that I need a website dedicated to me? lots of questions and fears went around my mind and it was just easier to keep my mouth shut and pretend that I never had a blog. Plus, I don't have a big following anyway so the likelihood of being caught was slim.

As time went on and as I went to more events etc I got more comfortable with it, but that was with like minded people. How was I supposed to explain this to people who were not in the blogging loop? I felt daft.

So what's changed? I think you may know whats coming here, again I have a lot to thank my sister for. When she passed, it's like a light switched on, and under that light was a sign that said

"DO WHAT YOU WANT"

It could be all over tomorrow, and I worried about what people would think of me for having a blog? wow how much time did I waste on that! 

Plus no one cares. NO ONE CARES. I mean that in the nicest way, no one cares! the only person with an issue was me. 

I told my close group of friends. My actual words were "I have something to tell you and if you think I am a twat for it then that's your problem," They told me it was brilliant. I then told family members, they told me it was brilliant. 

Then today when I dropped off my kids at preschool, a few of the ladies that work there came up to me and said "we've seen your blog/vids, we think they are brilliant" (not going to lie, I had a panic moment of "oh god what did they see")

So it turns out its brilliant, and not a load of shite like I thought. It's annoyed me a bit that I needed a pat on the back to feel confident, but hey ho that's how it is. 

I am now fully out of the closet - My name is Kim and I am a blogaholic. What I have realised is that the fears in my own mind do not reflect what people actually think. And even if they did think I was a twat, SO WHAT! plus people soon come round, and it will become the norm. 

The hardest part is publicly saying - THIS IS WHAT I DO NOW, and fearing public humiliation of failure. But honestly, I really couldn't care less now, if I "fail" so what, I will do something else. 

Anyway, I am not going to fail, in fact I am going to create an empire/million dollar blog ( as mentioned in the previous post) people may laugh at my confidence, but I will do this, whether they laugh or support, it doesn't change my ability. But I would prefer support ta v much. 

As I am typing I have a hit the nail on the head moment, its the fear of showing self belief that has held me back, but if you don't believe in yourself then who will?