Thursday 4 May 2017

A letter to Iggle Piggle

Dear Iggle,

What's that pinned on your chest? have you raided my wardrobe again in your quest for style? not only did you forget to wipe the baby crud off your shoulder you're looking directly into the camera, very amateur of you. Obviously you have the desire to be stylish, but leave it to the ones who have a clue, y'know "them" the ones that know what they are talking about and frankly have their shit together.

I do feel for you, I do. I can empathise with your juvenile thoughts that you might actually look the part, but it is a lot harder than you think. Time needs to be spent agonizing if something is right, if its you, and most importantly what people would think.
Did you actually take the time to compare yourself to the others in the garden before concluding on your style choices? The Pontipines conform, the Tombliboo's coordinate, you? well, your obviously one of the ones who thinks a lot of themselves - like that Upsy Daisy, after all shes the only upsy one (up her own ar...)

 So for you to stroll on in here, pin on your chest, with your carefree "just do it attitude" is insulting. You must try harder, but obviously without looking like your trying.

For starters, you can't smile whilst wearing a Chanel brooch - far too smug. Secondly if you are around children so much you can not look happy (looking like your coping is not cool) neither should you look sad (a good carer would never be glum) you must remain neutral at all times.
Thirdly,  what exactly is going on with your hair? wait hang on, Cara Delevingne recently had a pink pixi crop so I guess you could get away with that one.
And don't get me started on that red blanket, is it a scarf? did you not know it's all about YELLOW this season? tsk.

Kudos for picking the Chanel though, but to be honest you could pin that on a potato sack and it would work, Don't hide behind the C's...

So you carry on with your smiley faced, red "crazy hair don't care" attitude and leave the business to me. Because I have it together, totally.



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